There are plenty of young women out there looking for a road map to success, so why not follow mine? Might not be success, but it gets you to my level, which is pretty sweet.
1. Fly under the radar for as long as possible.
This was my mantra in high school and college. I joined the clubs that gave me something to do after school, but didn't subject me to ridicule. Art and French club? Yes. No one bangs on the field trip to the Frank Lloyd Wright house. Marching Band? C'mon, even the jocks giggled at the idea of your band-bus orgies. They didn't even know the Art and French club existed. Flying under the radar exposes you to normal social situations. Plus you get to skip class to go taste French cuisine.
2. Stop buying Cosmo.
Yes, the make-up tips are awesome, and yes, every issue walks you through the steps to achieving beachy waves, but is it worth the $5 every month that you could be putting into a Roth IRA? I mean, come on ladies. I have several years worth of Cosmopolitan Magazine under my bed. EVERY issue is the SAME! The sex tips are identical but with newer squirmier names. ...It just dawned on me that I spent $300 on cosmo magazines. I want to spare you from that realization.
3. Say yes.
"Yes" leads to ridiculousness in it's best form. "Yes" brings you to new people. "Yes" leads to karaoke at hotel bars (the ones that serve as the inspiration for every backwoods themed horror movie). "Yes" gives you the chance to hate life for a bit, but when you realize that "yes" led you to some much needed growth, you'll see that "yes" was worth it.
4. Say no.
Saying "no" helps you avoid the second date with the awkward skeeze. "No" helps you avoid DUIs, STDs, and the need for various inoculations. "No" insinuates that you have a backbone, and principles, and sometimes a full life that proves you can't be bothered with things that don't concern you.
5. Watch "She's the Man".
Watch it over and over again. Watch it to the point where every other sentence you speak is a reference to Amanda Bynes' greatest masterpiece. Then, when people tell you that movie is stupid, or it sucks, laugh and say "I know! THAT'S why I love it!" then don't let them see you cry. We both know how good that movie is...
6. Take a job you aren't qualified for.
I spent two years distributing medications, administering shots, and bathing other people. Should I be trusted to stick a needle into someone else? Nope. And I know that now. Hundreds of thousands of dollars saved in avoiding Med School = Success. And an added bonus? You qualify yourself for that job. Or at least you get pretty darn close. One more skill set, yo.
7. Invest in fabulous shoes.
They look great in the background of all the self-portraits you will take in your bedroom.
8. Brown bag it at work.
You'll save so much more than I did over the last four years. I'm a sucker for Kalamata olives.
9. Keep a blog.
But only tell three people about it. You've got stories to share, just not with everyone. Yet. Also, I just put my blog within a blog. You've either been inceptioned (inceived?) or pimped. Just let it happen.
10. Don't take yourself too seriously.
I'm 25. What do I know? I'm not even old enough to remember Desert Storm.