With the exception of the post regarding my solitary drives up the beltline, this blog has proven to be a bit of a downer.
I don't consider myself a downer, or at least, I didn't used to. In fact, if you see me at work, or in Christina Olson's class, or yes, even Doc. Design, I'm pretty chipper.
However, you are not the only ones to notice the consistent downward slope my former sunniness has taken. I've blogged on this before, kind of, but I didn't do myself justice.
The truth is that I have been restless. Really really restless. Not senioritis restless, not wintery-restless, but an all encompassing kind of restlessness that has taken the simple pleasures I used to love and made them mundane.
Its not a secret that I don't love where I am. I no longer feel connected to this place. My best friend is galavanting through Chicago, embarking on new and exciting adventures, and no, I'm not jealous of her. I'm excited for her, I'm proud of her, and I know she still needs me as much as I need her.
I'm not tied down to anyone here. If I stay, I might just end up being single forever.
I feel as though I've become disjointed from my family. Jon is married and raising a beautiful baby girl. Bethany is married and raising a beautiful baby girl. Both have careers, mortgages, in-laws, and grown up friends. Jim is working in St. Joe, being all grown up...
The four of us will never live under the same roof, we'll never take part in a family vacation again, and it was shock to see all of us together for Thanksgiving.
They are living their lives, and I suppose I feel like its time to go live mine, but I can't because I am tied down to a school that I despise. (However, I have been really good about keeping my anti-gvsu rants to a minimum this year!) GVSU is little more than an obstacle for me to cross. And I will. Soon.
Yes, I have my lovely Gagwaggers. But it would be naive of me not to acknowledge that we don't really NEED each other any more. We are growing up, pursuing very different lives. Growing apart is inevitable. With the exception of me and Robyn, we are all moving in very different directions, Chrissy with her music performance degree, Katie with her accounting degree, Annie with her radiology, Jenny with Speech Pathology, and Robyn and me with our writing degrees. We've each expressed interest in leaving Grand Rapids at some point. I don't know that we'll all wind up together somewhere else.
Its a time of transition. Its uncomfortable. Its awkward. This too shall pass.