Common Decency and Your Money

As contributors to corporate America, I would like to urge you all to bear ( or bare, in Heidi Montag fashion) the following in mind when you make a trip to the bank.

• Please fill out your deposit/withdrawal slips. Especially if your bank visit involves multiple transactions. You cannot yell at me for making a mistake on your deposit if you cannot adequately verbalize your intentions. By filling out your own slip, you save us both time, and decrease the potential for errors.
• In addition to that, don't get huffy with me when I have to look up your account information because you are too lazy to fill out your own slip.
• I did not personally charge you 4 overdraft fees. So yelling at me is uneccessary and it hurts my feelings. Also, my manager did not personally charge you 4 overdraft fees. However, she does have the authority to refund them. Yelling at me will push me to tell her how much of a jerk you are, and yelling at her will make her less likely to refund said fees.
• Keep a balance, or at least use online banking. When you spend money you don't have, the bank has to loan you the funds to cover it. A $30+ fee is what we charge to finance your fast food/shoe/itunes/alcohol habit. Take responsibility for your lack of responisibility and we'll be pretty nice to you.
• If you are a business and you wait to make all your deposits on one day, at one time, please don't bring all six of them in 15 minutes before we close. That's just bad form.
• I don't know who you are. Unless I do, then you can disregard this one, but really, I don't know your balance, I don't know your last three transactions that cleared, and I don't know when you last ordered checks. Provide me with some identification, and I can check all of those things.
• You may NOT cash other people's checks. I cannot stress this enough. Husbands may not cash their wives checks, mothers may not cash their children's checks, employers may not cash their employees checks. It should be common sense, but for some reason it is not. I have to tell at least five customers each day that I can deposit the check, but cannot cash it. Stop yelling at me about this. Every bank in the country has this policy. It makes you look like an uninformed douche.
• Take your sunglasses off. Otherwise I will trigger my alarm.

Lets all follow these guidelines and we'll all get along just swimmingly.